A Poem about Plurals

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England .
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
And get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
And in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?

How Long Does It Take To Learn English


Someone asked me this the other day and I do think that it is a fair question. However, it is difficult to give an accurate answer.

I have met people who started university life with an intermediate level of English and achieved perfect fluency in about two years. On the other hand, I have met people who use English every day at work or have lived in an English speaking country, and after 20 years still make basic mistakes.

Just look at Jacky Chan, for example. His English is still not up to par despite working in Hollywood for years!

So really, it depends on the learner. It depends on the person's natural ability to learn languages, and it depends on learning strategies and commitment.

In the end, you can expect to improve your English even on a short course, but real fluency may take years of practice.

Podcast

Here is a little podcast that my students made, entitled 'How to use the Internet to improve your English'

Cast.mp3

All English Learners Should Have a Blog

It’s 2008 and it’s time to think about new and different ways of improving your English via the Internet and using some of the great new technologies that are available.

Here’s why blogging is a good idea for ESL students:

1 It is a great habit to get writing and to write something new every day or every week. Don’t worry about English mistakes – many people using English on the Internet are speakers of English as a Second Language.

2 You can make friends and share your thoughts with the whole world.

3 If you have a teacher or someone who is willing, they can easily access you writing and correct it or give you tips on how to write better.

4 Best of all, it’s free and easy. You can get a blog up and running in minutes at blogspot.com.

My students have blogs, too. Please read them at:

http://eccentric-bb.blogspot.com/
http://sri-indianputra.blogspot.com/
http://shashikin-sharifah.blogspot.com/
http://kingkongkumar.blogspot.com/

Learning English for the Olympic Games

2008 is the year that Beijing is host to the Olympic Games. Unfortunately, in an age when English is becoming more and more important, a lot of Chinese struggle with the language. A clip on the BBC recently showed an elderly Chinese man who couldn't answer the question 'Where is the nearest restaurant?' after months of English classes. In fact, the Chinese are notorious for their poor command of the language. But why is this?

After all, the Chinese are also famous for their work ethic, and they are willing to study hard to improve their English to help make the Olympics a success. But why is it so difficult for them to speak English. (Just listen to Jacky Chan!)

The reason is simple: English is different from Chinese in just about every way imaginable: the alphabet, the grammar, the pronunciation, the mechanics of the language are all 100% different. If we compare this to European languages, for example, the word for 'name' in German is 'namen'. Mein namen ist Fritz. You don't even need to know German to understand - and it works both ways. Therefore Germans and other Europeans learn English much faster. In Chinese, even the names of people and places can be very different. The word for America is 'Meiguo'.

Of course, that's not the only reason. Community classes in China often teach more than 50 participants at a time, and they learn by repeating phrases like 'What time does this bus leave?' over and over. Sometimes the teacher dresses up in a blonde wig to help the students get over their 'fear' of talking to a foreigner. Obviously, English teaching in China has a long way to go!

Happy New Year


Happy New Year, everybody. I am attending a seminar today and tomorow on the topic of e-learning 2.0, and we have been asked to create a blog. Since I already have one, I'll just post a quick note.

While I'm here, I also want to suggest a great site for ESL trainers. http://www.quicktopic.com/ offers instant messageboards for you and your students. Your students won't even have to log in to use it; it's quick, easy and great. It's a great chance to practise some collaborative learning.

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is one of the most popular children's Christmas songs. But it's not a traditional song; it was created by an advertising executive in 1939!

Still, the song has a nice story about a reindeer with a shiny red nose. The other reindeer used to laugh at him until he was given the special task of guiding Santa's sleigh at night.

Here are the lyrics:

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph
join in any reindeer games.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say:
"Rudolph with your nose so bright,
won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

Then all the reindeer loved him
as they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
you'll go down in history!



...and he really did go down in history!

Is English suited to being the International Language?

Well, this is an interesting question. English is the language of the world today, there is no denying it. However, it achieved this status as an ‘accident of history’ rather than by actually being the best language for international communication and commerce.

So is English suited to being the International Language? In short, my answer is NO, for the following reasons:

1 The grammar is terribly difficult, and not always standardised, although easier than some other European languages.

2 The pronunciation is difficult for speakers of other languages, especially the ‘th’ sounds (you did realise there are two, didn’t you?) – not many other languages have these sounds.

3 The spelling is not standardised. Why does ‘head’ rhyme with ‘said’?

4 The vocabulary is huge and we often have many words for one thing. Phrasal verbs can often cause problems for learners and there are thousands of them!

On the positive side, English adapts easily to scientific and technical language.
I have personally had some experience of learning Spanish, Turkish and Malay. I can tell you, all three of these languages are much easier than English. If only Spanish was the International Language, how much easier it would be for everyone (except English speakers, who are notoriously lazy when it comes to learning new languages!)

Yahoo Pipes and Yahoo Answers!

Yahoo Answers is one of my favourite sites and I've found a way to put all questions related to ESL in one place using a program called Yahoo Pipes. (Yes, I'm such a geek).

Click here to try it out.

You will see the 10 most recent questions posted with the keywords: grammar, esl, learn english, language and english teacher

Try it, it's fun and it's constantly updated as new questions come in.

Road To Grammar Junior


Following suggestions from several elementary school teachers, R2G presents ... Road To Grammar Junior!

The original site contains references to alcohol and contains vocabulary and examples unsuited to younger learners. Now teachers need worry no more! Road To Grammar Jr a version of Road To Grammar that has been cleaned up and made more attractive to younger learners.

Basically, the junior site should be suitable for up to age 13, and the main site should be suitable for those older than that. However, some discretion is advised.

Road To Grammar Jr can be found here: www.roadtogrammar.com/junior

Even Dictionaries Make Grammar Mistakes?


A friend pointed out this sentence from the CD-ROM of the Cambridge Advanced Learners' Dictionary:

Understand (KNOW) 5 understand one another/each other When two people understand one another, they both know what the other means and wants and they have an agreement: Both sides must try to understand one another, to recognise each others' rights, feelings and beliefs. See also understanding (AGREEMENT).

Can you spot the mistake? The apostrophe is in the wrong place. According to www.yourdictionary.com:

The possessive forms of each other and one another are written each other's
and one another's: The boys wore each other's (not each others') coats. They had
forgotten one another's (not one anothers') names.

Tut tut, Cambridge.

Sad Songs

Time for some sad song lyrics.

Sad song # 1: Gloomy Sunday

This is a song about a person whose lover has died and she (or he) is thinking about killing herself to join her lover in the afterlife. Then she wakes up to find it was a dream. The version I have is by Sarah Brightman, but the original version was in Czech!

Sunday is gloomy,
My hours are slumberless
Dearest the shadows I live with are numberless
Little white flowers will never awaken you
Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thought of ever returning you
Would they be angry if I thought of joining you
Gloomy Sunday

Sunday is gloomy
With shadows I spend it all
My heart and I have decided to end it all
Soon there'll be flowers and prayers that are said I know
But let them not weep let them know that I'm glad to go

Death is no dream for in death I'm caressing you
With the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you
Gloomy Sunday

DreamingI was only dreaming
I wake and I find you asleep
In the deep of my heart dear Darling I hope that my dream never haunted you
My heart is telling you how much I wanted you
Gloomy Sunday
Gloomy Sunday


Sad song #2: A change is gonna come

This is a soul classic by Sam Cooke. He talks about how he's always been poor and nobody would help him. Awww ... so sad! But he's optimistic - he says that 'A change is gonna come'.

I was born by the river in a little tent
Oh and just like the river I've been running ever since
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will

It's been too hard living but I'm afraid to die
Cause I don't know what's up there beyond the sky
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will

I go to the movie and I go downtown somebody keep telling me don't hang around
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will

Then I go to my brother
And I say brother help me please
But he winds up knocking me
Back down on my knees
Ohhhhhhhhh.....There been times that I thought I couldn't last for long
But now I think I'm able to carry on
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will


Sad Song #3: Dust in the wind

This classic ballad by Kansas is the saddest song of all. It talks about how we are unimportant compared to the vast size of space and time. We 'refuse to see' that all we are is 'dust in the wind'. Wow.

I close my eyes
Only for a moment, then the moment's gone
All my dreams pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind
All they are is dust in the wind

Same old song
Just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind, ohh

Now, don't hang on
Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away
And all your money won't another minute buy
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind
Everything is dust in the wind
Everything is dust in the wind


These are three great songs, by the way. I highly recommend you buy them if you can find them!

WORD STRESS

It's not enough just to know individual sounds in English. To have a natural accent, you need to get the word stress correct.

For example, the DEsert is where camels live. deSSERT is a sweet treat like cake or ice cream!

Can you hear the difference or can you pronounce the different? The word stress in English is usually on the first syllable, but there is no set rule. (I know, ESL learners hate to hear 'there's no set rule!)

Practise word stress in English with this activity:

http://www.roadtogrammar.com/wordstress/

It's Bedlam!

In English, when we say something is 'bedlam', it means chaos or madness.

The word bedlam comes from the name of a hospital for mental patients - Hospital of Saint Mary of Bethlehem. The common people pronounced Bethlehem as Bedlam.

In the 1700s people used to go to this hospital for entertainment. They would bring their families to laugh at the mad people there! Please don't try this today!

New Stuff on R2G

Two new things on R2G at the moment:

1 You can win a copy of 'Chicken Soup for the Soul' by posting a link to R2G on your blog or website. Get the details at http://www.roadtogrammar.com/comp1


2 Try out a new activity to test your knowledge of sounds in English. www.roadtogrammar.com/rhymer